She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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