I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
