she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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