you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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