Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
