You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
