You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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