he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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