I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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