Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
