ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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