I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
