ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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