What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
