i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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