You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
