I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
