I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
