I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
