Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
