My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
