i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
