i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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