he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The feeling are messing with the penis
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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