Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
