made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
