I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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