She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
