Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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