I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
