My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
