I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
