I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
