you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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