I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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