you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
