Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and she was petting her beer can
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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