she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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