why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
