In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
someone owes me an orgasm
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
