You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
