you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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