I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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