Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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