he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
