Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
