i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
