I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
