have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
