Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
